Short of a weekend when I cash a $100 million Mega Millions lottery ticket, this past weekend was the Greatest of All Time for me. LeBron James is eliminated from the NBA Playoffs, and the Pittsburgh Penguins are down 0-2 in the Stanley Cup Finals? Are you kidding me? I don't know about the rest of America, but I'm happier than a chubby kid at the candy store. It's like Christmas in June for Cakes the curmudgeon.
As for LeBron, way to be a gracious loser. After the Cavaliers' 103-90 loss in Game 6, he pulls the "spoiled kid who doesn't get a toy at the mall" act, doesn't shake hands with the Magic, and blows off reporters on his way to the team bus. You have to win or lose with grace, and LeBron obviously still has some growing up to do in that respect.
Even though I have a clearly irrational hatred for LeBron, he did put up a heroic effort in trying to get his team to the NBA Finals. He was just saddled with a supporting cast that would be NBA Lottery bound in a heartbeat if it wasn't for King James. Cleveland Cavaliers GM Danny Ferry needs to show LeBron this offseason that he's serious about upgrading the roster or LeBron will bolt for a new squad in 2010.
Note to the marketing mavens at Nike: get to work on a Dwight Howard puppet for your ad campaign ASAP, so your ads during the NBA Finals make sense. While the spots are funny, it falls flat when one of the puppets is competing for an NBA title, and the other puppet is chilling on a beach in Aruba next week.
Just so you action junkies can get an edge on your bookie, here's the foolproof "Always Bet Against Cakes" prediction for the NBA Finals: Lakers in 6 games is the play. Kobe is dying to win a ring sans Shaq, and as long as donks like Gasol and Odom show up, the Lakers take the Magic down. Hardcore listeners of the Junkies on 106.7 WJFK now know to liquidate their savings accounts and load up on Orlando to win their first NBA title. I have now officially doomed the Lakers, Ut was a nice run, Kobe!
On to the Pittsburgh Penguins, who are headed down the same path as they were in last year's Stanley Cup finals, down 0-2 to the Red Wings after the first two games in Detroit. It gets me giddy to watch the Pens' come unglued, as Evgeni Malkin instigated a brawl with 19 seconds left in the Game 2 loss.
Even better has been the disappearing act Sidney Crosby has pulled in the Stanley Cup Finals. Crosby was unstoppable in the first 3 rounds of the playoffs, racking up 14 goals and 14 assists in just 17 games, but he's been invisible against Detroit. My 12-pound dog Simba has as many goals and assists as does Sid the Kid against the Red Wings, and he's been held to just 7 shots on goal. Where are all those people who were saying Crosby was the MVP now? Not hearing too much from that peanut gallery at this point. Good luck coming back on the Red Wings, who are looking for their 5th Stanley Cup since 1997.
I know, I'm getting a little hockey geeky on you, so I apologize. Just one more Stanley Cup quickie...how amazing has Red Wings goalie Chris Osgood been? He's only 10-2, with a 1.47 GAA in the playoffs...good night Pittsburgh...IT'S OVER.
People reading this are probably thinking "It's really sad that Cakes has to lash out at LeBron and the Penguins," and I can see where you're coming from. But don't take that away from me.....it's all I've got right now. The Wizards had the league's 2nd-worst record and the Capitals were already booted out of the playoffs by the Pens. So, instead of rooting a team on to victory, I hope for teams/players that I despise to suffer crushing and humiliating defeats. Is there anything wrong with that?