masn-baseballs-orioles.jpgI’m a day late for the big Festivus celebration – now I’m stuck with that pole I ordered from Amazon.com – but it’s always an appropriate time for the airing of the grievances.
I’ll start with how I keep answering the same questions over and over as if I’m typing in invisible print. (It’s not really a major gripe for me, but I’m tying together two themes here, so please ride it out.)
Folks seem to enjoy a good holiday movie sequel, though my screenplay for “It’s A Wonderful Life II”…

I’m a day late for the big Festivus celebration – now I’m stuck with that pole I ordered from Amazon.com – but it’s always an appropriate time for the airing of the grievances.

I’ll start with how I keep answering the same questions over and over as if I’m typing in invisible print. (It’s not really a major gripe for me, but I’m tying together two themes here, so please ride it out.)

Folks seem to enjoy a good holiday movie sequel, though my screenplay for “It’s A Wonderful Life II” was rejected. I guess it was too far-fetched to have George Bailey become a baseball GM and win a World Series with the Cubs, and no one was buying Clarence as his assistant. But I’m still free to post another sequel to “Because You Asked.”

Deck the Mel Halls with boughs of Ed Holly. (He played in the early 1900s. Look it up.)

Will someone please wake up Dan Duquette?

He’s not asleep. Fans can criticize the lack of big moves, though I’m not sure who predicted them, but Duquette continues to talk to agents and executives from other teams. He’s trying to re-sign Delmon Young and swing trades that don’t cost pitching prospects and saddle the Orioles with a bad contract. He’s checking on the health of players to determine whether they’d pass a physical. He isn’t napping under his desk.

Are you going to make “Seinfeld” references all morning?

That’s probably the last one, but don’t hold me to it. We’re just getting started.

So Duquette isn’t going to Toronto?

I never said that. He isn’t walking around with Canadian money in his wallet, but his departure remains a real possibility despite the four years remaining on his contract. And if it happens, the Orioles will be compensated for it. Those discussions have taken place, according to sources.

Why aren’t the Orioles going after Nori Aoki?

I was told that they had “limited” interest heading into the Winter Meetings. That interest could intensify as more free agents come off the board and more trade talks fall apart. He’s been discussed.

delmon-young-runs-black.jpgWhy not give Delmon Young two years?

Right now, it doesn’t appear that any team is making that offer. The Orioles will see if he’ll bite on a one-year deal, perhaps with an option for 2016. They definitely want him back.

I’ve heard that the Orioles talked to the Phillies about Ryan Howard. Anything going on there?

I wrote that the Phillies were willing to package Howard and outfielder Marlon Byrd at the Winter Meetings, but nothing came of it. Howard has two years and a guaranteed $60 million remaining on his contract. He’s been in serious decline. That’s a tough sell.

I’ve heard that the Padres are interested in Chris Davis. Anything going on there?

I wrote that the Padres have checked on Davis’ availability because they’re determined to lead the universe in home runs and transactions. Davis isn’t untouchable, especially as a pending free agent who’s due for another raise in arbitration after making $10.3 million this season, but the Orioles already lost Nelson Cruz and Nick Markakis. They need Davis’ bat, which could perk up after he received a therapeutic use exemption for Adderall.

Are the Orioles trying to set a record for having the most catchers on the 40-man roster?

They’re only up to five after claiming Ryan Lavarnway. Wait until Rick Dempsey makes his comeback.

What’s wrong with Caleb Joseph?

Nothing. But for some reason, the Orioles felt like they needed another catcher while determining whether Matt Wieters will be available on opening day. Michael Ohlman isn’t making the jump to the majors, but Steve Clevenger remains in the organization. Maybe they wanted three candidates for two spots if Wieters isn’t ready.

What do you think about agent Scott Boras saying Wieters will be ready on opening day?

I think everyone is guessing in December. Wieters hasn’t experienced any setbacks in his recovery from Tommy John surgery and he remains hopeful, but he isn’t offering guarantees. The Orioles also are hopeful, but they’re preparing as though he won’t be ready.

The Orioles claimed Lavarnway after signing Wesley Wright? Should we start printing those World Series tickets?

Maybe you should focus more on coming up with an original quip. I love sarcasm as much as the next guy. Just not when it’s covered in mold and as amusing as a house fire. Or mold.

If you don’t mind a non-baseball question, is it true that quarterback Tyler Thigpen, signed by the Browns this week, was recently arrested for a DUI in a Wendy’s drive-thru?

Yes. Police knew he was drunk because he tried to order a Frostee Rucker.

This is why you should stick to baseball.

That’s not a question.

Any chance that Dariel Alvarez starts the season in right field?

Yes. But at Triple-A Norfolk. That’s the plan. I’m still expecting Alvarez to make his major league debut in 2015, but not in April unless something happens that no one is anticipating at the moment.

walker-at-bat-white-sidebar.jpgAny chance that Christian Walker starts the season with the Orioles?

I would have said “no” except that someone needs to play first base on opening day while Davis serves the last game of his suspension. It could be Steve Pearce if he isn’t in right field. Whatever the arrangement, the Orioles will have a spot on their 25-man roster on April 6 before Davis occupies it on April 7. For that reason, Walker has a shot.

Another non-baseball question here: What do you consider the best invention?

I’m torn between the airplane, automobile and the mute feature on Twitter.

You’ve muted people?

Just a few. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.